I am about to be completely open and honest with you.
I had been feeling stuck lately. Spiritually stuck. Almost like I had quit caring. Quit wanting to try. Feeling like it did not matter. Stuck. Feeling like what I do does not matter. Like to the point of who cares? When I would pray, I felt completely removed from God's presence. Like I was crying out and God wasn't listening because He wasn't anywhere near.
I don't know if those who have been around me recently could tell how I was doing. How weak I was becoming. How drained I had gotten. How less of a Christian woman I felt that I was.
All the prayers and questions I had for God felt like they were going unanswered. Not prayers that I had prayed about others, but prayers that I had prayed concerning my spiritual well-being. No matter how hard I'd try to read my Bible and pray, I felt like there was a barrier. It all changed by simply reading two scriptures and then going back and reading the whole chapter from whence the two scriptures had come.
"Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! 12 Remember the wondrous works that he has done, his miracles and the judgements he uttered" 1 Chronicles 16:11-12.
I read and reread these two scriptures. Then I cried. The LORD has done great things in my life (and someday I'll share with you His testimony over my life). These things alone are cause to always speak of the great things that He has done. Even aside from these things: JESUS has done something great for each one of us: He died on the cross for our sins; that when we accept Him into our lives that we will have eternal life in Heaven. <--- That cause right there HAS to be enough for me to always know that what HE has done is worth it. NOTHING that I will ever do will compare to what He has already done.
Sometimes the garden isn't always going to be beautiful flowers, perfectly pruned and weeded. Sometimes the garden has to be weeded, the flowers need to be pruned, and new seeds need to be planted and watered.
Those things that I had been feeling were nothing other than the devil playing tricks on my mind. The kicker? I was believing those things. Some will probably look at this in a bit of shock. Folks, I'm not perfect. Surprised? Please don't be. ;) lol. At times I get spiritually lazy and want someone else to do the work for me, which includes hearing the Word. I have to want it badly enough for me.
Just like an old pastor we once heard say: You won't get to heaven on the shirt-tails of your parents (or friends or even your spouse). Do it for you. Do it because Jesus loves you! Do it because HE wants you. I'm going to do it for me. Because HE has already called me. Because there are three children who need me. Because I have a husband who cares about me.
Be stuck no more. "Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy are in his place" 1 Chronicles 16:27.
1 comment:
loved reading this! the more research I do on Spiritual Warfare the more I am believing that it is EVERY Christian's battle. Most times we have no idea that what we are experiencing is actually an attack. We think it's a rough time, or a challenging year, or changes that we're learning to adapt to, and yes we can have all those things going on, but you better believe there is someone there to make it worse, harder, and more defeating than it really is! If the enemy can take us out, make our fruit withered, stop us in our tracks, quiet our testimony, make us unsure of Him in any way, then he's won, and to him it's worth the effort. he's a deceiver and the father of lies, he will deceive you into believing it is our fault, a problem we shouldn't have ("not a good enough christian") or that we aren't experiencing it at all! (afterall, we're not one of "those" christian's who would struggle or invite it in.) guess what, anyone who is not his has enough of an invitation to "bring it on", and any person who is "shocked" of another person struggling with warfare needs to take a very good look at themselves, because none are immune. And chances are, if the devil isn't messin' with you, it's because you don't pose a threat! This has so encouraged me Tina, and thank you for leaving a comment on the FB status I had written earlier. 5 months now I have been continiously attacked, going from a very close daily walk, prayertime, reading constantly with the Lord, to BOOM. distance. blank wall.confusion. dead scripture. seeking seeking seeking harder, crying CRYING out! and seemingly, nothing. the enemy pressed in harder when we moved, devoid of my other books and journals, no church home, i spent days where it was literally difficult to rise up off my mat on the floor and tend to the kids needs, and anytime they pulled at me, i barked back (which killed me with mommy guilt, which left me further pushed to the floor) it's hard to care about spilt cheerios when you literally feel like he's got his thumb over your head and is pushing you into the curb of the sidewalk! it became painful. i began to truly relate to David's Psalm 42:3
"My tears have been my food day and night, While they continually say to me, “Where is your God?”
Out of all that time, only in this last week have I finally learned to fight back, seek help from others, learn and read, and pray pray pray BELIEVING that God's word is truth. God may feel far away, but it's a lie because He ISN'T far away, and we don't have to buy into it. Isn't it freeing recognizing the truth? I'll be honest, I don't mind one bit at all having a take "the finger" attitude toward the devil instead of the wimpy, please leave me alone, plead that I had before. Endurance challenges train to think, react, and endure differently than before. Working out builds muscle that wasn't previously there. I have not enjoyed this "training" one bit, but God is faithful and He is going to work it out for my good IN and WITH Him as I certainly can't do it without Him and His power thru Christ! If I need to learn a battle cry than so be it, because I certainly ain't walking this life daily-defeated! (can you tell i'm a bit mad too? i am. he comes to steal, kill, and destroy and i've had stuff taken from me. i've believe stupid lies! I'm tired of it! NO MORE!) okay, ehum... sorry, this comment is probably the size of your blog. you don't have to approve it. just wanted you to know you're not alone and to thank you for being honest and transparent!!!!
kristy
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