"Plans For A Future And A Hope"

Have you ever realized how long you wait in life?

Maybe you are waiting for the birth of a new baby. You spend time waiting.

Maybe you are in the military and are waiting for military orders to a new base. You spend time waiting.

Maybe your loved one is away at an undisclosed location. You spend time waiting.

Maybe you are expecting an important phone call. You spend time waiting.

Maybe there is a vacation you are looking forward to. You spend time waiting.

We spend the majority of our days, our lives, waiting for something: a new job, babies, a home, friendships, family, love. Waiting is a must in everyone's life, whether you want to or not -- you have to do it. How do you fare while you are waiting? Do you moan and groan because you are tired of waiting? Do you get antsy and just move forward trying to take matters into your own hands? Do you try and occupy the time to make it seem like time is passing by even quicker? Do you prepare yourself for the unknown, so that you will be ready?

I have to be honest about something: There are many things we are having to wait on at the present time in our lives (my husband and mine). Orders to a new base. Possibility of a tubal reversal. Diagnosis of breast cancer or not -- most of you did not know this one, as it is a new occurrence (just found a lump (prayerfully a clogged milk duct or benign tumor), on Mother's Day -- May 13, 2012).

These three things are HUGE life changers. New base means a new location, new home, new friends. Tubal reversal would change the dynamic of our family's home life. Breast cancer would change many things about our life. Yet, all of these requires a great deal of patience. Waiting. Waiting. And more waiting.

Honestly, I am not the perfect person. Surprised, right? I say that with a lot of sarcasm. For some reason people always look at me as being so perfect. I promise you: I am NOT perfect. I promise. I struggle with waiting patiently, and many other things. For the sake of time (and waiting, well, reading, I will limit this to waiting patiently). Okay, so I start out well with waiting patiently. Then as time goes on, I falter so terribly. Towards the end, I pick up the pieces and remember:

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28 (esv).

And so I begin waiting patiently, again. Again. Again. Because this happens many times depending on the length of the waiting.

God has everything in the palm of His hand. He is perfect in every way; therefore, everything He does is for a reason, with a cause, and is perfect and good.

"This God—his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him" Psalm 18:30 (esv).

I am waiting for my mammogram that is to take place next week. I will have to wait for the results (hopefully less than 24 hours since I did schedule a follow-up for the following morning). We are waiting to see where things go with the projected tubal reversal. We are waiting for orders to a new base in hopes to prepare for my husband's retirement from the military.

This morning, actually, today has been rough. VERY ROUGH. I am not a fan of the unknown because I am a planner. I like to be prepared. I do not like waiting. Yet, God reminds me that:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths" Proverbs 3:5-6 (esv).

That means that in everything, including the waiting, to trust the LORD with ALL of my heart, because HE WILL make the path straight ... "for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure" Philippians 2:13 (esv).

No matter what happens, God is in control. I believe this. It is my salvation, the work of the LORD in me, that chooses to keep hold of what is Good -- Jesus.

So are waiting for something? How are you doing while you are waiting? God is perfect in EVERYTHING that He does. Sometimes the pain may hurt for a little while (including years), but the eternal rewards is so grand if you hold fast to His unchanging hand! No matter what happens "I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare [peace] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope" Jeremiah 29:11. Sometimes the waiting can take a while. Do not wait in grumbling and complaining -- it seriously does no good. Praise Jesus' Name -- it makes it so worth it to know that HE is at work for my good because I have been called according to His purpose! To keep all things in perspective: I am human; therefore, I will fall short. I will complain from time-to-time. I will cry and be whiny.

I am IMperfect serving a PERFECT GOD who has my best interest at heart.

One Or The Other

I have two doctor appointments this week. Two. Both for me. Oh! And they just so happen to be consecutive days (Tuesday and Wednesday). I have to tell you something: I do NOT like going to the doctor. I do not like going. I would much rather "play doctor" with Google. Come on now, I know you've done the same thing. :)

One appointment (Tuesday, today) is an ultrasound to hopefully shed some light as to why my menstrual cycles put me in so much pain. Such agony. Torture. The pain has gotten progressively worse, to which I cannot bare it anymore. The first 24-48 hours accompanies so much pain that I literally shed tears. This last one was not as painful, but the clotting was pretty grotesque. I believe this appointment will either do one of two things: 1. Reveal that everything is fine and the pain I just have to endure. Or 2. It will show that I must have my womanly bits removed.

The second appointment is for a tubal reversal (Wednesday). Yes, we are considering a tubal reversal. Why? We have no idea and cannot fully explain it. To be honest, it is quite exciting, yet very puzzling as to why WE would give much thought to this. Having another child would be like starting all over again. We would be in our 50's when the child is 18. I will barely be 41 when our (now) third child turns 18. To even consider this, we truly believe it something God has placed on our hearts for whatever reason.

Keep this in mind: We have been in our current city for 3.5 years. Prior to coming here we had a consult to see about a tubal reversal. Everything was a-go and when going back for the follow-up, the doctor actually asked us "Do you want to have it done now?" Back then, the technician who did the ultrasound actually noted that I "was a perfect candidate for a tubal reversal". Have things changed much with my body to make me NOT a perfect candidate for a tubal reversal? We shall see when we have another ultrasound done for my tubal reversal consult (Wednesday). OR the appointment on Tuesday reveals that it would be best to remove my womanly bits due to other health ailments. Health ailments. Yes. I will leave it at that. If you knew the health problems that have plagued my mother and grandmother, you would completely understand why.

Honestly, I have doubted that this is even a good idea since we are nearing retirement from the service. At the same time, this feels right. I also want to add that it is my husband who has been talking about babies A LOT lately. So I asked him if he wanted to see about a tubal reversal and he said "Sure. Why not?" I was a bit shocked, to say the least.

I will keep you in mind when I hear the results of what is going on with my menstrual cycles; as well as whether or not we can have a tubal reversal done or not. Never know, we may be able to. OR ... my Tuesday appointment may reveal that it is best to remove all of my southernly, womanly bits.

P.S. Womanly bits just sounds funny. ;)